Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
