I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
