All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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