Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Found your dick twin last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
