Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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