Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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