she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
