his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
