watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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