At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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