I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
