We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
