If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wear drunk well.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
