You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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