Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
