as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
