I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
