i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
