between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
