Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
zippers are such a cool invention
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
