I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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