my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
