shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
