i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
