I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
