my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
