I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
