New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
