when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
