i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
