i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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