so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
