True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
