so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
