stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
