Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize