I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Holy sore nipples Batman
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
