Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Say something about gay babies.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
