If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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