so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
