My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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