is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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