As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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