There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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