who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
