Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
