My nipple is on Facebook.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
