someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
