Duck Duck Cougar?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
