he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
