I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
wow bdsm is so cute
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
