3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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