Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
