At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
