Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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