i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You made out with two different species that night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
