Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
