i think i have herpe
just one?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
