stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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