I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
