you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have aggressive nipples.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
