how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
