She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
