He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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