my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
