I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
