yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
