he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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