I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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