I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize