I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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