I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dicks are not precious.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
